I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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