I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
