btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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