no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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