I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
