Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
