Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
