You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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