but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
