You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
