i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
