Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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