that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
