NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
