it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
