Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
