I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
