It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
