Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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