I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
