Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
