How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
