my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
