Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
