Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
