his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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