Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
