I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
