You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
