New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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