U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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