Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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