When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
