somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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