Apparently you make a good broom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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