she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
