Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
