i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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