I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
