He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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