I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
