I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Green mimosas i think yes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
