You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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