I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
