AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
