And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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