i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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