I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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