First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
