I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She needs sedatives and a leash
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
